Journal of Woman and Family Studies

Perceived Lived Experience of Women in Response to Their Husband's Infidelity: A Phenomenological Study

Document Type : Research/Original/Regular

Authors

1 Associate Professor, Shahid Chamran University of Ahvaz, Ahvaz, Iran.(corresponding author)

2 MA in family counseling. Shahid Chamran University of Ahvaz, Ahvaz,Iran

3 Associate Professor , Shahid Chamran University of Ahvaz, Ahvaz, Iran

4 Associate Professor, Shahid Chamran University of Ahvaz, Ahvaz, Iran

10.22051/jwfs.2023.41277.2895

Abstract

Infidelity is an important matter in marital relationships and it has undesired and deleterious outcomes for the family. This study aimed to investigate the lived experience of women in response to their husband’s infidelity. This study employed a qualitative descriptive-phenomenological method to examine women’s responses to their husband’s infidelity in marital life. Nine female participants were recruited using purposive sampling. The data were collected using semi-structured interviews and the data collection process continued until theoretical saturation. The data analysis showed 13 contributing themes related to women’s lived experience in response to the husband’s infidelity: (1) self-harm, (2) deciding to end the relationship, (3) threatening the husband to engage in mutual infidelity, (4) the disruption of normal life, (5) loss of belief in being unique, (6) feeling inferior and humiliated, (7) skepticism about religious beliefs and justice in the world, (8) losing self-confidence, (9) losing contact with the outside world, (10) self-blame, (11) distrust in the world, (12) losing the meaning of life, and (13) aggression and quarreling. The results showed that the women who experienced the infidelity of their spouse showed different reactions based on internal experiences and external reactions. Therefore, considering the effect of marital infidelity on personal and interpersonal relationships, it is necessary to know and understand these reactions.

Highlights

Women's reaction to their husbands' infidelity were associated with self-harm, and rage and suicide attempts were reported as well. Discovering the husband's infidelity threatens the wife's psychological well-being and self-harm has been reported in this regard (Humphrey, 2013; Momeni Javid & Shoaakazemi, 2011b; Spring, 2012; Touesnard, 2009). immediately after the discovery of the husband’s infidelity, many women seek to find out the cause of the infidelity and they ask "why did this happen to me". Furthermore, they tend to blame themselves or their husbands. Some women focus on their role in infidelity and some on the role of the husband. The participants in this study pointed out the role of their husbands in making them to decide about ending

the relationship and separation. One of the most important threats to the stability of marital life and the most prevalent reason for divorce in different cultures is the issue of spouse's infidelity (Amato, 2004; Charny & Parnass, 1995; Hertlein et al., 2005; Knight, 2010; Young & DeBlasio, 1998).

 Although ending the relationship and divorce is one of the women's reactions to infidelity, not all women seek to end the relationship after discovering the infidelity. Because several factors such as loving the spouse, children, financial support of the spouse, etc., make the person stay in the relationship. Mutual infidelity and threatening the spouse to have affairs is another reaction to and consequence of spouse's infidelity. The betrayed spouse feels rage and aggression to the cheating spouse and turns to extramarital affairs for revenge (Aminiha et al., 2015; Bird et al., 2007; Brown, 2013; Gordon et al., 2004). Most betrayed women in this study suffered from disruption of their every day and routine life, sleep and eating disorders, as well as changes in their weights. Discovering infidelity disrupts wives' normal activities and causes problems such as experiencing nightmares and sleep and eating disorders for betrayed wives (Azadnam & Nariman, 2013; Baucom et al., 2009).

Cheating challenged the belief and trust of women participating in this study, regarding the oneness and uniqueness of their marital relationships. A study (Corsini & Wedding, 1989) showed that such relations cause emotions such as worthless and loss of identity. According to Adler's theory, feeling of humiliation arises from a sense of imperfection and defect in every aspect of life, and its extreme form involves negative attitudes towards oneself (Spring, 2012). The interviews with betrayed women revealed that they had experiences emotions such as humiliation, inferiority, foolishness, and weakness. The studies have indicated that spouse's infidelity challenges another party's religious beliefs, and people experience different religious behaviors after discovering the spouse's cheating (Atkins et al., 2001). In the present study, after discovering their husbands' infidelity, women lost their belief in the orderliness and justice of the universe and since they did not deserve such oppression, it led them to feel disconnected from Allah. A study (Knight, 2010) showed that the couples who deal with extramarital affairs experienced low self-confidence.

 The participants in this study tried to regain their self-confidence by blaming themselves, criticizing their appearance, and changing their clothing style. People's negative reaction to spouse's infidelity includes isolation and feeling lonely, leading them to lose their contact with others (Blow & Hartnett, 2005; Brown, 2013; Olson et al., 2002). The betrayed women pointed out that their husbands' infidelity led them to lose their contact with the outside world. A study (DePaulo et al., 1993) indicated that dealing with the spouse's infidelity, women are more likely than men to attribute this issue to their own incompetence and inefficiency in marital life and criticize themselves. The interviews conducted in this study showed that women put the blame on themselves for their husbands' extramarital affairs by criticizing themselves, comparing themselves to their husbands' partner, and focusing on their weaknesses. One of the usual reactions of betrayed people to spouse's infidelity is denial of cheating (Wiederman, 1997; Young & DeBlasio, 1998). Justifying their husbands' behaviors, their job requirements, and denying the issue, the betrayed women try to convince themselves that their husbands had no extramarital affairs. The spouse's infidelity causes severe emotional turmoil in the couple (Azadnam & Nariman, 2013). The participants in this study, as they asserted, cried and felt misery. Mistrust and negative thinking of the world is another consequence of spouse's infidelity. Illegitimate relationships questioned the spouse's trust and the betrayed spouse can never trust his/her partner as before (Humphrey, 2013; Knight, 2010). The literature showed that people lose their identity after their partner's betrayal (Donald, 2004).

Feeling nihility, worthlessness, and having no motive to live have been reported in betrayed women. The participants in this study reported quarrel, beatings, anger and aggression. Long-running quarrels and feeling rage to the cheating husband have been observed in families dealing with extramarital affairs (Fairbrother et al., 2005; Momeni Javid & Shoaakazemi, 2011a; Wiederman, 1997; Young & DeBlasio, 1998). Some women react aggressively and tend to hurt their husbands after discovering their husband's infidelity. These reactions may vary from verbal aggression to spousal killing (Buss, 2021). They may also harm their husbands in various other ways, such as inciting their children against their husbands, seeking revenge against their spouses, and disgracing them. In this study, women also reported different reactions such as hitting their husbands, insulting their husbands, going to their husband's workplaces and fighting at their workplace, and frequent fights at home. Based on the betrayed women's experiences, the present study investigated the very important issue of marital infidelity on the part of husband in the cultural-social context of the country. As findings of this study showed, the betrayed women experienced cognitive, emotional, physical, and spiritual injuries. Women reacted inefficiently to their husbands' infidelity. Due to the important position of family in the Iranian culture, the results of this study indicated that the extent and severity of this harm is significant. Therefore, with emphasis on conducting further studies on spousal infidelity, the family counselors and psychologists are suggested to adopt preventive and interventional measurements to improve the interactions of couples. Since the main purpose of this study was to investigate the lived experiences of betrayed women in a specific context, it is limited to the participants and caution should be exercised in generalizing these results. It is suggested to conduct the same study in male community and other contexts.

Keywords

Main Subjects

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Journal of Woman and Family Studies
Volume 11, Issue 4 - Serial Number 31
November 2023
Pages 1-19